i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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