I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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