I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
