So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
