Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
