come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize