I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
