were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
