Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
