420 ftw
Soap is not a condiment
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so let's talk penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
