WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
