Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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