1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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