This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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