I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
