so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
