Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize