This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
