I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
