Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
