Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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