i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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