is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
