When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
