I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Michael Bay diarrhea
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
