i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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