yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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