I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
