oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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