You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
