Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
