:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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