Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
