It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
