All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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