HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
