During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
