Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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