Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
