Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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