We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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