and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
