Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
