When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
