so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
