Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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