Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
