so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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