Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
