Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
