Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
