i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
