I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
