I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
