Sponge bath it is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
