She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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