where am i from again
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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