So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
