Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wow bdsm is so cute
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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