chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love accidental penises.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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